Wednesday, September 12, 2007

today...

Today is one of those days when being far from home really bites. It's on days like these that I struggle with my emotions and struggle to keep from questioning God on his reasons for bringing me to this place. I know he's got his purposes and I know he never fails to keep his promises, but there's something heartbreaking about seeing your eldest child grow up too fast and take on responsibilities quickly because he has too.

I suppose I could see this as being a blessing. For his age, Joel Jan is quite mature, and while he has his moments of daydreaming, I see him shedding bits of his childhood as he realizes that we've really only got each other over here.

I mean, we do have good neighbours and good friends, but still when it boils down to the nitty-gritty we've only got each other.

I do realize how blessed I am to have a caring and thoughtful son. With Sam still not well enough to brave the chill of an autumn evening, Joel's gone off to football practice alone (for the first time). I couldn't keep from being emotional about it. I suppose I could have asked if he could bike with someone, but at this time of year, everyone goes with a car except for carless folks like me...and there is this fear of being a burden that still plagues me somewhat.

I'm thinking of how easy it is to surrender to resentment and depression. And while I write this, I'm only thankful I can pray for my son and commit him into God's hands. Sometimes, I just forget that we don't just have each other...more than any other, we have the Lord.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Luisa Igloria said...

gosh Rochita. I can relate. We're all by ourselves in Virginia too, since all my husband's family is in Chicago (and a brother in Portland), and we've just taken our third daughter to college in the midwest. Now it's just three of us here. I miss home, I miss extended family, the many arms willing to take a child (or you yourself) when you need it...

05 October, 2007  

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